139, 138, 137 -Mind & Body

Sunday was a great say even though i didn’t do much other than some housework.  I started to look up pizza places to order and I decided against it since I had so many yummy things in my fridge.  I felt like snacking so I made some healthy black bean hummus.  I was pretty dehydrated due to some wine with family to celebrate my mother’s 60th birthday. It was a great night and I almost feel a shift happening in the family, for the better.

Monday started slow but I got busy somewhat early doing some errands. I did a ton of reorganizing in my closet, bathroom and attempted to start my kitchen.  It really does pay when you set yourself up for success. After cleaning my bathroom I felt lighter, and when I walked into my closet today I felt a sense of peace. I also  purchased a year long membership for the local yoga studio – GoYoga- I am slightly obsessed with one of the instructors, she always says the thing I need to hear.  Or maybe I need to hear the things the instructors say, either way I had intended to go Monday  afternoon but I delayed due to the progress I was making with the house items. Imaintained good eating habits and am starting to crave the good foods after a few weeks of buying clean items. I grilled up some steelhead trout and popped a pork tenderloin in the crock pot for dinner – carnitas tostada with tons of avacodo – and big accomplishment of the day – no sour cream! I thought about running out but I resisted or rather talked myself out of knowing it would turn into a bing of sour cream and anything I could dip in it.

Tuesday(today) was good, I got up early but there was some snow making traffic jams and school closings.  I immediately cancelled my yoga class and crawled back in bed. 10 minutes later I was up recheduled my class and started the coffee while I chugged a bottle of water. I started my car bundeld up and braved the winter weather advisory. The class was small but it was great for my first time back after a year.  I struggled but I purchased a new mat so now I have to go everyday this week to earn my investment.  I will be looking forward to attending classes afterwork at the downtown location. My goal was to come home make a healthy lunch (pulled pork romain salad), shower and continue the laundry I started yesterday. After lunch and shower I felt sick to my stomach. I laid down for an hour to relax my anxious belly and made sure to hydrate considering the buckets of water I sweated out this morning. I wanted to start reading Oola today since I had a great mental restart at yoga this morning. Its 8pm now so looks like I will be diving in before bed and then in place of yoga tomorrow, just because I have some scheduling conflicts, I will read the book or as much as I can before 10am. I leave you now to fill my water bottle again and change my laundry I never finished earlier. How quickly your goals change with the events of the day.

  •  Tuesday January 12, 2016 (Happy Birthday Mom!)
    • Weight 218lbs/BMI 57%

 

 

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140 – The Work Begins

For the last few days I have been maintaining my food goals and have only cheated once with a home-ade cookie at my sisters house, I had 2!  I am also down 4lbs and have felt like I am making progress mentally.

Big news, I got the job offer and my paralysis, whch includes sitting and watching 3 seasons of Teen Mom in one day, has stopped. I am looking forward to getting into a new routine and incorporating my current routine with work.

This morning I hit the apartment gym and felt good about walk/running almost 3 miles(2.7) in 30 minutes. I got the 3 miles just not in under 30 minutes.

I am slowly but surely getting my house decluttered and cleaning out my closet so I can actually see the clothes I have that for the most part I can’t fit in to.  I thought about arranging them into can wear, can wear kinda, and, there is no way I can fit into those until I lose 40 pounds. And voila another form of motivation.

  • Saturday, January 9, 2016
    • Weight 218/BMI 57%

147,146,145 – Down

So for the last 3 days I have been consumed by the thoughts of an impending interview.  I am nervous, excited and seem to be a bit paralized.  I have been preparing and focused on what I will say and  how I will win the job.  I can’t help but feel a little depressed and I am not sure how to get out of it. I have my thoughts to improve my habits close at hand but I am struggling a little this week. I woke up early this morning and got some business done, had a healthy breakfast and decided to focus on prepping and water intake.

After trying on my “interview pants” this morning, I decided I had to go look for some new “interview pants” considering I needed pants that zipped.  As I walked into Dress Barn, as a fluke, I ended up finiding some pants but had to go up a size.  I was dissappointed in myself and think the rest of the day feeling numb from my failure made me hit bottom.  I haven’t had to go up a pant size for almost 10 years.  With the stress of my job elimination, holidays and past trauma I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life and this will be the last time I feel this way.

My interview is mid day I have no excuse not to work out in the morning. It will be a great opportunity to work out some stress and anxiety, plus it might help boost my endorphins. As I am writing this I am thinking of getting ready for bed by setting out workout gear and a shake set up.

Tomorrow could change the path and I can’t wait to start it. This project has already proven to have it’s ups and downs but I know I am a strong woman who will fight for what I want.

  •    Monday January 4, 2016
    • Weight 220lbs/BMI 57%

148 – A New Day

Well we all woke up a little weary this morning, atleast the majority of the people in my circle.  I have never been one to hide a great night of fun.  I proudly celebrate my hangovers and most of the time cherish the memories I made while working on said hangover.  Last night was great fun shared with such great friends, some new, some old some I’ve met a dozen times and just realized how much we had in common.  Ringing in 2016 felt much different than past years, I am filled with motivation and positivity.  I usually only make resolutions on my birthday so I guess starting this project kind of coincides with those resolutions as well.

My brother in law got a FitBit for Christmas so we have been challenging each other all week to get the steps in.  Its a great motivator to have someone keeping you in check. I didn’t get close to my step goal today and I forgot to weigh myself this morning mostly because I could hardly get my head through the bathroom door.  Even though my food choices were not the greatest I was moderate with my helpings of mashed potaotes, even though I could have eaten the whole bowl, and I loaded up on the pork and sauerkraut.  I had a chocolate square for dessert instead of a piece of cake I probably would not have liked anyway.

While I am writing this I am watching Dives, Diners & Drive Ins with my sister and brother in law.  These Food Network shows are a problem, all I want to do is cook and eat!  My somach is growling just thinking how good the pork belly mac’n’cheese would be. Be strong Jill, be strong! Besides I think Oprah might be watching.

  • Friday January 1, 2016
    • Weight unknown/BMI probably 58% still

 

149- The Last Day

Today is th every last day of 2015.  This year has been a wild ride. I wanted to list all the highs and lows to remember how grateful I am for all I have.

  • I travelled a lot this year and got to experience things I may never experience.
  • I lost a great mentor, although we still stay in contact, he was no longer part of my day to day.
  • I had to adjust to a new manager who may never understand the skills I have.
  • Getting closer to those I underestimated and pushing others further away that I should have overestimated long ago.
  • I struggled with my inner deamons and trauma a lot this year.
  • I was a bit wreakless but maintained my grounded goals.  I
  • was offered money for my writing which has been a dream for so very long.
  • I heard my sister tell me how proud she was of me for the first time in a long time.
  • I leased a new car.
  • I realized that I am getting older and I need to focus on my health now more than ever before.
  •  I saw Smmay Hagar in concert, got stung by a hornet, bought anitbiotics from the phamarica and for the first time in Cabo I let go.
  •  I started living a chemical free life by replacing many items in my home with natural products.
  • I decided 2016 was going to be my year!

I can’t wait for my next chapter and can’t wait to share the journey, hoping it will inspire those who may feel its too late to change.

  • Thursday December 31, 2015
    • Weight 219/BMI 58%

150 -Shopping

Retail therapy always helps me tunr a bad day into a great day especially if I find that perfect baby pink top, or that right necklace to wear with that shirt I bought weeks ago.  There are days thet the retail therapy goes terribly wrong.  Today was not the case I did find that perfect pink top and although it wasn’t a necklace i did find a very cute headband. When I was shopping today I parked far out as possible to get a few more steps and tried to be unefficient in my selections of stores.  As I walked from one end of the mall to the next going in and out of stores I saw cute items I imagined I could wear in a few months. This was definitly motivating to keep strong in my project.

It is the last Wednesday of the year and  am anxious for what 2016 will bring. I am praying for strength to get through the holiday without letting my ego get the best of me. She constantly convinces me I am beautiful just the way I am, damn her anyway!

  • Wednesday December 30, 2016
    • Weight 219 lbs/BMI 58%

 

 

 

151 – Skinny Jeans

Today I  decided to try on the jeans I bought 2 years ago, that were a little too snug when I got them.  I remembered saying, out loud, to my sister that I would be losing weight so they will fit perfectly in about a month.  Here we are 2 years later and they still fit like the day I bought them.   Most women would love a pair of jeans so resilient to time and space but not this one.  I wore them today while we went researching home decor ideas just so I would remember how uncomfortable they were, getting in and out of the car, walking around, bending over to try on shoes.  I couldn’t wait to get home and take them off.  It reminded me that this is really the time to change. I think most women feel this way.  We struggle to get them on and refuse to get a bigger size and then once we get them zipped we immediately regret eating that last bite or skipping the gym that day, as if one day one bit matters.  This is a habit that I need to break. Even as I am writing this I regret getting 3 tacos tonight instead of just 2. No regets though, I have had too many in the past few months.

I am looking forward to tomorrow, another day closer to my goal.  I feel good about my calorie goals today and reached my step goal of 10k steps.

  • Tuesday December 29, 2015
    • Weight 219/ BMI 58%