Today marks day 21 of my Whole30 challenge. I have given up grains, legumes, sugar, and dairy.  I have done really well, I opened a chocolate square and inches from my mouth, correction…in my mouth I realized I wasn’t going to cheat 10 days from the finish line.  I was very tired the last part of the week and had some pains in my stomach, I can only attribute this to the low calorie intake for a few days.  I was getting pretty bored with my food selections and so I just didn’t eat a lot. I didn’t cheat but I wasn’t consuming enough calories to stay active.  I have remedied that with a fresh selection of veggies and fruit. I am having a big bowl of portabella mushrooms with a balsamic reduction. I will say this weekend, day 20, seemed pretty rough emotionally. Thoughts of regret from past decisions or lack of action flooded my day.  I felt paralyzed by the feelings of wasted time, pain, and a little regret.  I am not sure if this was normal for Whole30 or if this was just something that was changing in me.  I have held on to so many things that have happened in my past that occasionally I can see them showing through.  They have been such a part of me for many years I have a hard time thinking of them no longer being there.   They are a comfort when things go wrong and my expectations are not met.  This weekend I could feel a release of some feelings I know have held me back. They have held me back from living healthy and feeling worthy of love.  It sounds simple to rid myself of these feelings but if you’ve been there you’ll understand how much a part of you they become.  The good side of this story is that I am not sure I could have gotten here without eliminating food that clouds my judgement. Challenging my will to push myself into the next chapter helps me remember daily of my 2 year goal to build the life I know I am capable, worthy, and willing to live. I am excited for the next week, mostly to get to my celebration to have a cocktail.  I am also looking forward to putting my new found relationship with healthy food to use.

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