147,146,145 – Down

So for the last 3 days I have been consumed by the thoughts of an impending interview.  I am nervous, excited and seem to be a bit paralized.  I have been preparing and focused on what I will say and  how I will win the job.  I can’t help but feel a little depressed and I am not sure how to get out of it. I have my thoughts to improve my habits close at hand but I am struggling a little this week. I woke up early this morning and got some business done, had a healthy breakfast and decided to focus on prepping and water intake.

After trying on my “interview pants” this morning, I decided I had to go look for some new “interview pants” considering I needed pants that zipped.  As I walked into Dress Barn, as a fluke, I ended up finiding some pants but had to go up a size.  I was dissappointed in myself and think the rest of the day feeling numb from my failure made me hit bottom.  I haven’t had to go up a pant size for almost 10 years.  With the stress of my job elimination, holidays and past trauma I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life and this will be the last time I feel this way.

My interview is mid day I have no excuse not to work out in the morning. It will be a great opportunity to work out some stress and anxiety, plus it might help boost my endorphins. As I am writing this I am thinking of getting ready for bed by setting out workout gear and a shake set up.

Tomorrow could change the path and I can’t wait to start it. This project has already proven to have it’s ups and downs but I know I am a strong woman who will fight for what I want.

  •    Monday January 4, 2016
    • Weight 220lbs/BMI 57%

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