6 years and New Shoes

Most people I know take some time to reflect on their birthday as I did recently.  I woke up that morning with a slight margarita hangover, which I blamed on the light rain shower I could hear from the comfort of my bed. As I went through my “Facebook moments” I realized that 6 years ago I was surrounded by people who almost seem like strangers to me now, I wondered if they felt the same way about me.A lot had changed in my life since then, but I still felt like me.  I still felt like the basic person I was that developed those relationships was there. My outer shell had changed slightly, my heart a little worn, but my overall nature and true deep down soul seemed the same.  It was hard to think back about why those people seemed like strangers and the reasons we got there, but I did think about it and do think about it from time to time.  I am, above all, human.  We looked happy in the photos. Our messages to each other seemed like our friendship would never end, tested, but never ending. If they seemed so strange to me now and I felt the same I wondered what had really changed in my life. I hoped I had grown in ways I needed improvement and lightened in ways I needed to relax. Even a week later it is still on my mind, which is exactly who I was 6 years ago.  I needed to think about things for a few days to determine if what I felt matched the reality of the situation.  I have lost friends, walked away from friends and realized sometimes friends really weren’t friends.   All choices that were hard but necessary due to timing, lifestyle changes and worst of all the opposite sex.

Looking back at all those times I only miss a few of those relationships. I love the time we had and miss the times we will never have again. I miss them on days I think about something funny but not every day or every week and sometimes not for months. I still miss them like a pair of great heels you wore till they broke and not to discredit a friendship by comparing them to shoes, but if they are those perfect shoes that you cherish and always make you feel safe when you have them on then it is definitely a compliment in anyone’s eyes. I guess that is the point, friendships sometimes just get worn out and can’t be repaired.  Finding the replacement is just as hard, no matter how great that new pair feels they are missing something small like the missing rivet on the heel from that time you got it stuck in the cobblestone. I’ll always miss that rivet but love my new pair that still has the opportunity for a great laugh from a silly story.

So, things change and in order to grow and be the best version I can right now, I will keep trying on shoes and looking back only to remember the good times and know the bad times were necessary or both of us.

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