Did that just happen?

Have you ever had something happen that makes you think to yourself, “Did that really just happen or am I going crazy?”  I have been trying very hard lately to work on the way I communicate by refraining from saying something that might come across offensive in the smallest way. For many years, I was shy and afraid to speak my mind for fear I would be made fun of or what I was saying was wrong. In my thirtieth year, I had some dramatic changes occur that made me change the way I looked at life and how I was living it. I started standing up for what I believed in, defended my feelings for whatever they may have been and most importantly did not let others change who I was.  I discovered that becoming the person I always was increased my likability and provided an opportunity for many friendships to blossom, it also provided the opportunity for spoiled friendships to end.   The change wasn’t always about friendships but is started to become an advantage in my professional life as well.  I worked in a very male dominated industry and had to adjust my approach from the administrative staff, to the sales team, to the installation staff  and more importantly the Vice President of the company who just happened to be my boss and the owner’s son. I prided myself on my excellent communication skills and tried to perfect them.  I was always complimented for being able to handle many departments while maintaining my daily duties and I attributed that to the way I communicated.

In recent months, I was told I needed to work on my communication.  I wasn’t told specifically what the issue was other than when I was dealing with stress or a personal issue I was harder to communicate with.  I understood and realized that in order to get back those great communication skills I opened my mind and looked at all the opportunities where I may have been wrong. I sometimes feel that in order to be a great communicator those who you communicate with, need to be open to receiving the message. This is a lesson I have learned from my psychic, she communicates with the spiritual beings and if I am not willing to hear the message it gets lost.

This afternoon I experienced a situation in which I was offering assistance and the person I was trying to communicate with looked me in the eyes and ignored me, blatantly turned their head and spoke to someone else as if I wasn’t even standing a foot from them. I thought to myself what would the old Jill do? She would have spoke louder and got involved and solved the problem.  Unfortunately, I have been forced to change to accommodate those around me, which is slowly killing my spirit and drowning my passion. The new less glowing Jill simply walked away thinking over and over “Did that just happen?”

I can feel my true nature beating inside my chest yelling at me to let it out, but I have to be submissive until my next chapter begins. Playing out the hand I was dealt until I can move to the next game. I know my spirit will be strong and eventually be able to be free and create and love but not now. I feel that we have to go through these times to appreciate finding our true selves and to appreciate those who embrace you as you are. I will never change who I am or be ashamed of my true nature, but I will step back until I need to rely on those instincts or until I find my place in this world.

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